Once upon a time, there was a party girl….
I’ve had quite the transformational years. I went from being a party girl in Amsterdam—owning a concept bar with an art/music/fashion platform and therefore out every night—to a girl who meditates on a daily bases and holds space with Sacred Medicine. I knew I needed to change when I was losing myself, my relationship and the company was becoming more of an ego central than a real entrepreneurial accomplishment.
I started clubbing at the age of 14, I’ve partied from the top to the bottom in my time. I was a party girl because I was fascinated by people — how they are in relationships, on drugs and off drugs. I have always been hugely into self-discovery and therefore I am no stranger to demons. I would sometimes take drugs to cut off my emotions, then I’d be quite happy and could balance the connections to others. As a result, I was always the girl people came to with their problems. I had no time for my myself and relationship because I’d sit for hours counseling my party friends about their problems and talking about ‘balancing their energy’, knowing I’d done drugs and was getting off my face; there was clearly a hole I was trying to fill.
Calling myself a spiritual mentor or even a Reiki practitioner back then would have been the last on my list because it seemed to be uncool and I was running a full-time business where my ego got praised. Really, there is a bit of social stigma about spirituality – a prejudice – that is very prevalent in the hospitality industry. But hey, I like to swim against the tide. Often that’s how you get to the truth. For some of the people that I knew back then I have had a sudden spiritual awakening, but this is far from the truth. I have always been a spiritual being and since childhood the ability of clairvoyance; clear knowing, feeling and hearing, I just got myself out of my spiritual closet. I’ve actually had people say to me that I seem to be searching around for something that will give my life purpose, It may be likely I’ll get tired of this ‘spiritual hobby’ soon and when I find a ‘’real job’’ I’ll be able to go out and party again. Isn’t it funny how others project their own believes so clearly just because you decided to change your life?
I’m still a party girl at heart, I just matured, and learned the lesson of moderation. I have connected to the true me and I am able to embrace the party girl AND the healer/shaman/mentor with authenticity. There’s something incredibly liberating today about declining invitations to go out. Plus, I redirect all my social energies towards the situations and relationships that uplift me. The benefits of living a conscious sober life is, noticeable heightened sensitivity, I’ve become to understand who I really am, I have a manageable life and I am capable of being in a loving equivalent relationship.
I truly believe that our collective awareness is expanding into a life full of light instead of darkness, times are changing. It’s becoming more and more normal to lead a conscious spiritual life. Even pop singer Ke$ha told Seventeen Magazine: “I have a spiritual healer on tour with me, and we center our chakras before every show. We meditate and try to hone in on my psychic abilities, and go to acupuncture, and eat superorganic.” Isn’t this a sign of the times …
I can’t really describe all the spiritual experiences that brought me to the lifestyle I have today, you have to go through it for yourself. But all I can say is that my worldview changed into one where love is the real meaning behind the universe, and the source of it all is within us, in our HEARTS. I believe we’re all on a path to a greater consciousness and maybe all that self-destructiveness was for that reason. To reach a new era. To understand that ‘dark side’ and then to reach for the light consciously without judgment, for life, and embrace it. If I had not had those experiences, I wouldn’t be able to understand my clients, my human experience and therefore life today. It’s wonderful to experience the party girl and the spiritual awakened woman as one, they can finally co-exist.
“Thank you. No Mud. No Lotus.” Buddhist teaching meaning: “no enlightenment without suffering”.