I heard about ayahuasca among many. And due to my recent connections, I was told stories of her healing powers, but I did not ever expect to drink the medicine. What I had heard about, the intense visions and the prospect of the grueling, infamous purge, was not my thing. Yet, less than two weeks ago, I found myself in the magical embrace of Mother Ayahuasca.
She called and I sensed it was time. So, there I was, I gulped the brew, thanked the shaman and returned to my safe little corner. Although I didn’t know what to expect, I was certainly nervous, but also knew that after years of meditation and gained consciousness of living from my heart, I accepted that the plant would be exactly that what I needed to experience.
Instantly I felt her essence, all around me. My inner vision was swirling around me as my mind lit up with beautiful images and brutally honest lessons. I was completely lost in a psychedelic world, and the voice of ayahuasca made it very clear that I was rewiring my body, my nervous system, and the cellular structure, DNA, moving it into a higher formation. My body was in a constant shaky state and there were moments that I truly felt the death experience of the ego self, it was being stripped away layer by layer. Yet, even as I experienced some miserable states, I felt like a baby in the arms of her mother. There was no punishment, the only consequence of the decisions I had made and the paths I had taken. They were filled with the purest love I had ever felt. I began to see that as I gave up my attachment to old beliefs, patterns and stories about myself, I made room for the connections that I had been asking to find. The only way I can describe that night is to say that I made love with the entire universe for six hours. I was transformed into a jeweled star goddess, crowned with grace and divinity, saw crystalline geometry and danced without moving a muscle. I laughed, cried and sighed as one lesson after another fell into place. Mother Ayahuasca turned my cheeks to velvet and my eyes to galaxies.
I do have to say that much of your healing depends on you, and how much you want to shift and change. Ayahuasca can help you, but you must make the changes. If you have a life-threatening or serious illness, deep healing on the mental and emotional bodies must take place first before it will be reflected in the physical body. The physical body adjusts to this healthy mental and emotional environment, and thus changes your outer reality now that the inner landscape has changed. Ayahuasca is a healer, a magician, a teacher and a key to inter-dimensional doorways. The experiences are hard to convey in words, partly because we have no conceptual correlates to them and because they are so rich and multi-dimensional that our language of the world can only flatten those experiences and divest them of their deeper meaning.
These ceremonies are not for fun – even if fun can be healing too, they are to teach, so the more I learn from reality, the more I stretch the concept of a ceremony, some people advanced in medicine say the ceremony never ends, and I agree. Each move we do, each act of kindness or each so-called mistake are valuable. Likewise, there are experiences of awe and terror, but they are not terrible, they are wonderful. Shamanism transcends dualism, it teaches greatness in suffering and even death. It dissolves fear, I fear less and less, focussing on solutions and always improvise.
Is there a problem when the search for purity, truth and spirituality and sacred rituals – such as the ceremonies around ayahuasca – become trendy?
I feel that as long as you have an intent to become a better person and are practicing to become a more aware, more loving, more generous person, then that’s good. There’s this huge shift at the moment and even if people are doing yoga while texting, they’re still on the path. It may take them longer or maybe another lifetime, but it’s better that they’re still trying rather than not trying at all. Perhaps the commercialization of spiritual awakening will shift the currently unaware consumerist part of society to buy into this change? Maybe we should all do ayahuasca?
Some say that a lot of people come out of their ayahuasca experiences talking about the dichotomy between light and darkness in our universe. The duality game is pretty clear here and it would be great to be able to see a little bit better. A little bit clearer. A little bit deeper. As a unity, as one!
One thing is for sure you will come out of it strengthened, refreshed and saturated with love. Or, seemingly on the other end, think about catharsis – violent encounter with something you fear most, shaking your soul the way it was never shaken, scaring the shit out of you, also sometimes literally, think of feces, vomit, sweat, think horror, and at the same time try to believe me that it will be the best experience of your life, you will be forever – not just in the morning – grateful for being alive, and maybe even know the meaning of life.